Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to Quinton

our big boy is 3

Q-dog is the best

sweet as can be

fun to love on

adorable little face

full of energy

happy all the time

busy all day long

kind to others

protective of siblings

loves to help mom and dad

great kid

happy day

It's a party...

this is a crazy week

I tend to get overwhelmed by everything that "needs" to get done
I realize I place my priorities in the wrong place many times

I need to "give" my kids memories -
not a clean house

Yes, they need food, and clean clothes to wear, and a tidy home to live in,
but I need to find a happy balance between the daily tasks and my children's needs.

It is such a struggle to try to do, be, and say everything to everyone all the time.

I tell myself that this won't last forever.
Someday, I will yearn for these years, again.
I want to remember good times,
and not have regrets.

So, I am off to making memories!

pure sweetness

oh, the sweet smell of a newborn babe

we got the pleasure of visiting our new baby niece

she is precious

reminds me of when my children were babies

I loved the smell of their breathe

it is the most wonderful smell there is

makes me want another baby

I will never grow tired of the beauty of babies

and the miracle of life

I've been thinking...

that in a few months we will have our 1st teenager in our home

the first one we got to bring home from the hospital

the first one who had bumps and bruises that broke our hearts

the first one that taught us how to be mom and dad

the first one that taught us the joy of being parents

the first one that is showing us what it is like to "be growing up"

the first teenager in our home

Mixed emotions

sending them back to school brings feelings of sadness
reality that with every year, we are one year closer to them being an adult
each year that goes by gives us greater awareness that we are losing influence over them
it makes us question have we been and shown them enough good
have we taught them right
will they make good choices

but then we look at the beautiful person they are growing into
and the feelings of sadness turn to joy and happiness

Away

she has been away for a while
spending some time with papa and grama
getting to be the only one
feeling extra special

one of our children alone 6 hours away at papa and grama's

away for 14 days
it must be strange to feel like an only child
i'm sure she misses her family
i am certain we miss her

Can you guess?

A little of this

A lot of that

A few of these

A lot more of those

A purple one

a few red

several orange

green, lt blue, blue

several sticks

a few bottles

many boxes

a couple packs

Can you guess what we have been doing?

school shopping for supplies

It is hard to believe it is that time of year again!

Strength

I need to be spending time with God everyday

I need to go to Him for strength

I ask God to give me the strength I need

to come to Him daily

hmmmmm...

she has a secret

she cannot give a clue

she carries it within

if only someone knew

maybe they would help her

or rescue her from pain

because of his choice

what did she have to gain

she cannot help but wonder

what it must have been like

to be inside of her body struggling

to survive day and night

the pain she had to carry

with all her strength and might

no wonder her ability to be someone

was hidden under fright

she lived within that body

and still she cannot tell

what it must have been like

living in that hell

fallen up

sometimes it just doesn't matter how hard we fall down
no one is there to help us up
we have to use the inner strength given to us by God
to keep on living and standing tall
even though we have fallen over
we have to produce whatever good is left inside of us
regardless of the ideals of what should be paying no attention to the roots that have been ripped half out of the ground but pouring the strength into the other half of roots that are still firmly planted

fallen

these are the roots
of a massive tree
roots once
firmly planted
have been ripped
out of the ground
at one time
nourished a cotton wood
its trunk stood tall
and into the clouds
the branches whipped
and whoosed in the wind the strongest of winds tugged upon this giant
and pulled it to the ground now left to curl up and die what chance is left

staples

yesterday my poor little buddy
split his head open
had to go to the E.R.
to have 5 staples placed within his head

at the car wash we were trying to clean the car
the seats were folded down
and he flipped upon his back
and caught his head on a seat bracket

we were in-n-out at the ER which was a 1st
then he slept for about 3 hours
and resumed to normal activity after his nap
acted like nothing even happened

I know it is not the first
and probably won't be the last
I felt so awfully bad
but he is a tough little guy

I AM...

...thankful that I have a home to live in and a car to drive

...disgusted by the things someone can do to another

...happy that I can walk around on two legs and feet

...perplexed by God's plan and will for my life

...guilty of not always being the best I can be

...grateful that I have two eyes to see and two ears to hear

...appreciative that I have a husband and family that love me

...disappointed in myself for not always enjoying every moment of my life

...ecstatic that I have 7 children to share this life with

...sad that my children have to deal with generational sin

...worthy of the love God has for me because of Christ's death on the cross

...trusting the path that God chooses to lead us on

...blest beyond words

BOYS will be BOYS

why is it

that little boys

know

the exact time

the precise place

the perfect angle

with unsuspecting spectators

to

drop

their

pants

and

water

the earth?

Acceptance

It

is really

hard

to accept

another's

behavior

when

it

is

destructive

for

them

and

you.

I

have

to

accept

it

and

remember

I am

not

in

control.

Breathe

the ability to
inhale and exhale
the release of
breathing in good
and letting out bad
to breathe as deeply as the body allows
and hold all the air in to allow it to penetrate throughout
and then pushing the air out with a vibrant force
then the body allows an even deeper breathe of air
I like to breathe deep
it calms
strengthens
and keeps me alive

Judge

Judge ye not

lest ye be judged

I have not struggled with this much

I have

been blest

with the gift of empathy

I am able

to

look at those around me

and

wonder,

"What must it

be like

in their

shoes?"

"How would I

act if I was

walking in their

shoes?"

empathy is different than sympathy

my understanding is

to sympathize with someone

you feel sorry

or have 'pity' for them

to empathize with someone

you feel understanding

or compassion for them

I would appreciate if more people

would look at me with empathy

instead of

sympathy

and

judgement.

$

the weight of debt is overwhelming

it seems to have gotten to a point that it is strangling me

it seems to have a choke-hold on my entire being

I feel buried in debt and can hardly breathe under this pile

I don't have to allow it though

I need to place this stress where it belongs

I do not have control over it

so I am not going to let it control me

In a very short time our financial situation will turn around

done with school

living on an actual income

not borrowing our income

I let it all go

tired...

i am tired of doing it all
i am tired of being the good guy
i am tired of always being the bad guy
i am tired of being taken for granted
i am tired of not standing up for me
i am tired of bickering
i am tired of tattle tailing
i am tired of school
i am tired of our financial situation
i am tired of pain
i am tired of lies
i am tired of being tired...

control

I have to realize I cannot control it all
I do not have control over other's choices
I cannot control the outcome
I cannot control how other's act or react
I cannot control how other's treat me
The only control I have is over me
I have lost that control because
I am too busy trying to control others

what will happen to me if I am not in control of them?

Our Anniversary

today is our 12th anniversary

we have been together for over 15 years

we met at a high school party

my husband was a freshman in college

I was going to be a junior in high school

he jokingly told his h.s. friends I was his wife

I was not having a very good time at this party

I asked him for a ride home

my older brother did not care for him

and chased us down the road as we left together

I made the 1st move and leaned over for a kiss

he was not very receptive

maybe he was scared my brother would kick his butt

my brother followed us home

my husband called me a couple weeks later

we started seeing each other

I told him I loved him first

we have shared a lot of ups and downs

but my husband is the one person I tell everything to

he is my best friend

I hope for many more beautiful years as husband and wife

OUT or IN

I want in
I want out
in
out
in
out
in out
in out in out
in out in out in out
in out in out in out in out
in out in out in out in out in out
get me out of my head

dIRectIoNS

i am lost

where should I turn

continuing on the same path is destructive

taking a detour only to get lost

taking a different direction

might not be the best choice

maybe i should follow my compass

it will definately lead me down the road i should take

but do i dare

am i willing

am i ready

am i sure?

1,2,3,4,5 of them

the 1st seizure we experienced was with our 2nd child
she was 12 months old and had a febrile seizure(meaning with temp)
I was nursing her
she had not been sick
I looked down and she was purple
it was one of the scariest times in my life
I told my husband to call 911
she was limp and purple
she was not jerking or moving at all
I thought she was dying
it was just a seizure
our 1st bout with a huge part of our life
our son at 13 months had a seizure lasting over 10 minutes
a temp accompanied it classifying it as a febrile seizure
we were much more calm this time
we received medical attention, checked out fine, probably virus
we assumed it would be the same as our daughter
one seizure, we had our scare, and that was it nothing more
until he had another seizure 4 weeks later
and another seizure 5 weeks later
and another seizure 4 weeks later
and more than one seizure 6 weeks later

this continued for 2 1/2 years
seizures every 4-6 weeks
running temperatures up to 107 degrees (yes 107, not a typo)
it was not just 1 or 2 any more it was 100's of seizures in a 2-3 day span
we were blest with a technique that allowed his body to heal itself
at the age of 4 he was seizure and temp free
our next child had seizures at night
she would tell us the sharks were biting her
waking up with uncontrollable fear
we did not understand this
until that dreadful day
she had a seizure we witnessed
and then told us the sharks were biting her
we had our suspicions
and they were accurate
this lasted about a year and a half
our next daughter had her first seizure at 13 months
lasting over 3 hours
we were extremely frightened
realizing even medical personnel did not know what to do
she was diagnosed with epilepsy at 18 months
she has fought many seizures every week
sometimes every day
she has seizures even though she is on a seizure medicine
this medicine tries to keep the seizures at bay
but takes our precious child from our realm
she is 'zombified' on these meds
our next son had a febrile seizure at about 1 1/2 yrs old
now he wakes up at night screaming
telling us his bed is biting him
afraid to sleep in his room
we fear what might be
we do not know
seizures are not hereditary
but the tendency to have them if one family does is higher
and even higher if more than one member has a seizure
it is very hard to surrender your child and trust
to say I am not it control and I can not control this
we all want the best for our children
it is disheartening not to be able to always be that for them

Seizures

5 of our 7 children have had seizures
all of different type, origin, severity, length

the scariest incidents I have ever witnessed
the most helpless and hopeless feelings I have ever had
the inability to do anything
the fear of the unknown

taking control over the body
posessing a degree of uncontrollability

watching the strongest of storms
sweeping over your childs body
and taking control of every inch
forcing vivid rapid destructive thrashing
jerking pulling about
giving no chance for breath
the body gives up the fight
and the seizure takes over

but the childs body is strong
the storm has blown over
and left it's damage behind
able to re-build only to be destroyed again soon
not only destroying the physical but the emotional
seizure turmoil is exhausting

Happy Birthday!

today my mother celebrates the day of her birth
she shares her b-day with a brother
she is a twin
I love the faith she has and shares
I appreciate her ability to do for all
I accept her need to help everyone
I thank her for teaching me wisely
I admire the relationship she shares with my father
I love the mother she is and grandmother she has become
Happy Birhtday Mom!

I Deserve

I don't think about me very often,

but it is healthy to reflect on me once in awhile.

I ask myself,

What do I deserve?



I deserve to be loved and love.

I deserve to have my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs met.

I deserve to be happy.

I deserve to be a good mother and wife.

I deserve to believe in God and go to church.

I deserve to feel good about myself.

I deserve to have determination and success.

I deserve to feel whole.

I deserve to be healed.

I deserve to let the past be the past.

I deserve to take a break.

I deserve to take it easy on myself.

I deserve to forgive and seek forgiveness.

I deserve to be treated like a princess.

I deserve to be listened to.

I deserve to be respected.



The dictionary defines the word "deserve" to be worthy of.



I deserve to be seen through Jesus' eyes,
only then will I be worthy of what I deserve.

Happy 4th of July!

Bang

Boom

Pow

let freedom ring

we all celebrate together

our independence

Pow

Boom

Bang

Happy Fourth of July

Favorites

mom and dad have favorites

it can be challenging as parents to have favorites

how can we pick a favorite

it is not like picking a favorite color, food, car, or sport

we have a favorite

Mackenzie

Taylor

Caleb

Shaye

Gabriella

Quinton

Keegan

each our favorite for their own unique qualities, gifts, talents, and abilities

you will always be our favorites

we will never change our minds

each of you holds a part of our hearts reserved for

favorites

Blankie comfort

our 1st born had a favorite blankie

it was a winnie-the-pooh and friends receiving blanket

she would wad it up in a ball and stuff it under her chin

she loved to hold it close to her face and cuddle it

she only had it at nap time and bed time

it brought her comfort if need be

our 2nd born also had a favorite blankie

it was a yellow fleece type and did not handle washings

so we purchased at least 8 of those

she loved to take her blankie everywhere

blankie would wipe her tears, dry her spit, and everything inbetween

with her blankie and thumb, life was good

our 3rd child loved his 'bank' and 'guilky'

his blankie was a flannel teddy bear print made by grama

mom's silky pink (yes pink) sleep shirt became his guilky

this was attained by mom's attempt to get him to sleep at night

he loved to take his bank and guilky everywhere

they especially comforted him during his seizures

our 4th child loved mommy's hair and her belly button

to transition, we gave her a 6 inch doll with long hair

she held and ran her fingers through the hair just like moms

it was not long for the hair to be in snarls she loved it just the same

everywhere went her baby (by the hair)

her juice cup in the other hand and finger on the 'button'

our 5th child loved her belly button

at 13 months her juice cup became her favorite as well

her finger had to be inside her button (no onesies for her)

every night before bed she would have to take her 'tranquilizing drug'

to help maintain her seizures

quite fond of her cup she is lost without it at bedtime

our 6th child child attached to a fishy fleece blanket

he loved the feel of it

he wraps his hand around the edge trim and follows it to the corner

he pokes his finger into the hem of the corner

and comforts himself all night

he keeps his blankie safe in bed for naps and bedtime

our 7th child has not found a favorite yet

he has a favorite mommy

that nurses every tear, tired, upset, happy, or need to be held mood

baby likes to nurse

no blankie can replace that

so for now, mommy is his blankie

Interpretation

Kids can be so interesting on a multitude of levels at the most opportune times. In our town there was a building that was run down, nasty, and good for nothing. It was probably cockroach, flea, and termite infested. One day as we were driving by,we saw the building was being torn down, and the littler kids wanted to know why. We told them it was no good, termite infested, AND maybe they needed to build something else there.

A couple months passed and we payed no attention to the building and reconstruction until one day we noticed that a new McDonald's was being built (not one of our favorite places to eat!) We proceeded to talk about how the other yucky building was all gone and look at the new building, it was a new McDonald's all nice and clean. End of conversation.

A couple of weeks later we were running to and fro, school, work, sports, etc, kids were STARVING so we decided to go through a McDonald's drive through. As we were approaching the order screen, our son yells from the back, "WE CAN'T EAT HERE, MCDONALD'S COOKS TERMITES"!

Luckily, I am pretty sure the employee did not hear the comment, but it took some long and hard convincing for my son to believe that he was NOT eating termites. This has benefited us also though because Mickey D's is our kids least favorite place to eat! It is interesting to see a kids interpretation of a situation come to life.

(Maybe they do serve TERMITES?!?)