I am thankful

for my parents love
they celebrate their 35th Anniversary today
I am so appreciative of the 
love and commitment they have 
shared with me by their example
I am privileged to know these 2 people so madly in love
and committed to one another

Happy Anniversary to my mom and dad, and wishes for many more years!

What do little boys and ice cream have in common?

 they both make messes

 but are oh, so sweet

i could eat them all up 

and they taste soo good

 

they know how to make me feel better

 and definitely make me smile 

 I could eat you up anytime of day...

{all gone}

I have been trying hard to be

content with life right where I am

I am struggling with this path that I am on...

Questioning God's plan

I know it could be so much worse,
but that doesn't help make life easier
because it could be so much better.

I am realizing I can only take care of this exact moment that I am in and take care of the exact situation at that point in time...nothing more...nothing less...

I have to choose to look for the good, find the romance, the sweet gestures, the kindness, the touch...I may notice the way someone else does it better, but that is not how he does it, I have to find it and appreciate his way...

"My crown is in my heart, not on my head, 

Nor decked with diamonds and Indian stones, 

Nor to be seen: my crown is called content: 

A crown it is, that seldom kings enjoy."  

William Shakespeare

he just couldn't wait for supper, because he was

too

tired 

life..emotions...the past

these 3  areas of my life have a lot in common

they are always present

but too often they seem to sweep up out of nowhere and
knock me down

i feel like i am sprawled out on a huge body of water

and every now and then i get a lashing from the waves

sometimes very simple, hardly noticeable

other times, so magnificent it cannot be forgotten

The {unhappiness} I have so often chosen

has not been by choice 

but by survival

I am beginning to realize

that in order to survive

I had to  feel no feelings

I could not grow up {feeling happiness}

because I would have to feel all of 

the {unhappiness} too...

I could feel nothing

that is how I survived...

and I continued to live life like this into adulthood

marriage, children, a family, friends,

not really knowing how to feel the feelings I had

I want to begin to feel happy

I want to be some thing else

I want to make it different

I have that choice now AND

I have that power

I choose to feel all feelings,

good, bad, indifferent, positive, negative, hurtful, shameful, jealous, kind, unloving, rude, painful, strong, bitter, unhappy, sad, ecstatic, pleasant, sweet, angry, resentful, loving, and happy

yes especially happiness

Happiness has been a choice

I have infrequently chosen
I have been contemplating why happiness
does not resound in my memory
Why so many times in my life I remember unhappiness
Why I have little to no memory of my childhood
I have been examining my children at different ages and I wonder

        

    {what feelings was I having at that age, what kind 

              of thoughts might I have had, what 

            might I have been doing, what did I like or dislike, }

I have this unquenchable desire to go back 
and get in touch with that little girl
and get to know who she is
even though I am living in her body,
she and I are two separate beings...

it is okay

to be good at something AND admit it
to have gifts and talents
to believe in yourself
to know who you are
to have feelings and express them

hello kitty, it is a party

 "Mee-oow"

 it's the birthday girl...{or kitty}

 presents for the "girly-girl"

 oh, the excitement

 A Happy Day

all too soon

i wonder

i question

i look forward

i try not to fear

i have a little doubt

i accept whatever you give me

{but} i am not sure if i am ready

We enjoyed

sledding on a very cold day

it allowed for smiles at first

but kids came back to the car quickly

they were still smiling, but cold

it is way too cold out there

and extremely exhausting

our stay didn't last long, but it was fun

I realize

Your path for me I do not know
and often I do not understand

I need your eyes to see the journey
and path for me You have planned

I need Your strength and patience
to accept the tests and trials I will endure

I need Your love to share with others
my love is not enough, for sure

I need Your peace to consume me
because I feel unsettled at best

Give me a faith beyond reason
and up to You, I leave all of the rest

I am looking forward to spring...

fresh air
everything is new
the outdoors come alive
sunshine
playing outside
SPRING

Sick Kids

Of course...

I was just thinking this last week that we have
been fairly healthy over-all this fall/winter...

{WHY} do I do that?
I think I jinx myself!
...and so it is, 3 sick kids...

I {Love}

• my husband, Anton
• being a mommy
• Mackenzie Leigh
• the health we have been gifted
• Taylor Lenae
• sharing my life with my children
• Caleb Logan
• my Catholic faith
• Shaye Lyn
• getting to know others deeply and intimately
• Gabriella Laine
• my freedom
• Quinton Levi
• learning how to be a better person
• Keegan Lucas
• the life I have been given

Frustration

allows me to appreciate my life

especially on days that I get up extra early
to have enough time to get ready to go
4 kids off to school
give the 3 littles a bath
dress them completely, hair pretties, shoes and socks
jump in the shower for a quick rinse
get out to be greeted by 3 barefoot kids
I pleasantly smile and say
go get your shoes and socks so we can put them back on
I re-apply shoes and socks
I continue about my routine 
clear table
throw some clothes on
answer phone
load dishwasher
ewww, what's that smell
slap some make-up on
put my shoes on
locate coats
ohh, that's what I smell
change a diaper
WHAT! barefeet?
and 3 more pair of shoes on the floor
I wonder why I {waste} my time and energy doing things 3x's
ahhhhhhh....frustrating
this time a pleasant smile with clenched teeth
GET YOUR SHOES AND SOCKS, so we can put them back on your feet!

I remind myself
at least my kids CAN take their shoes and socks off
because I know their are some parents who
wish they could put shoes and socks on 3x's in less than an hour 
...either dealing with 
a handicapped child, infertility issues, 
child loss, or maybe, children who are grown up...

I challenge myself to
continue to appreciate the
simple frustrations I deal with
because it could be a lot worse!

Happy Birthday!

to my husbands 2nd niece
she is the youngest in her family


she is celebrating her 2nd birthday
we have not had the chance to get to know her very well
as distance has kept us apart

I wish her all the joy a birthday could bring
and look forward to watching her change and grow
even if it is at a distance

Happy Birthday!

Help me to see

these broad shoulders You have blessed me with!

I don't question You God...

I
do
question
{why}
You
think
I
can
handle
all
of
this
at
once...

{Bad Words}

my 3  year old son 

has had a problem with bad words lately

he is also convinced that 

"being grounded" 

is a very bad thing

we were talking about saying bad words

and how it hurts our hearts to talk like that

 I had an aha moment

I told him if he said bad words

he was going to get {GROUNDED}

he looked at me with big eyes and said

"well, mom, that man on t.v., 

he said a bad word"

we didn't even have the t.v. on all day

me, "what man on t.v,... what did he say?"

3yr old, "he said *e*s*t*u*"

me, " e,s,t,u,... what kind of {bad word} is that?"

3yr old, "MOOOMMM, 

He SAID *E*S*T*U*

...that is the bad word!"

me, "okay, then HIS mom should ground him!"

{and you can't argue with that}

...zzzZZZzzzZZZ...

responsible kids

  sleepy babies

long day

 restful night

***Sweet  Dreams***

{Forgiveness}

F iguring

O ut

R eality

G rieving

I nnocence

V ictory

E ngaging

N ew

E motianal

S trength

S uccessfully

When I can't be what I want to be for them...

You 

can

be

Who

You

are 

for

them

within 

me

For once in my life

i believed
that i was {whole}

i was a mother
my greatest joy and biggest struggle

my children complete me

the fact is
they do complete me
but they cannot be WHO i am
i need to be able to stand on my own two feet
and not allow everything they are going through be mine
as much as i want to
i cannot shelter them from pain
i cannot be there every time someone is cruel or hurtful
i cannot cover their ears from bad words
or their eyes from negative scenes

i cannot be that for them
but i have become even more complete
when i realize He has a path for them
and He placed me on this path with them for a reason

What an awesome privilege I have...

to guide my children to the truth

by allowing their feelings to show them

welcoming Him into their thoughts

to bring freedom from within the truth

A negative experience {it only takes one}

can shape us for the rest of our lives
because in order to protect ourselves
we have to believe a lie

it is a twisted way to live
but it is a lot of times
the only way to survive 

how hard and cruel we can be to ourselves
is living proof of how easy it is
to allow our lies to govern our thoughts

when we begin to take over others pain
and take on someone elses attidtude
we realize how our emotions have been affected

when having a good day
or taking care of ourselves feels bad
it proves how our actions have been shaped

in order to survive
we told ourselves a lie
a lie that will continue to run our future... 

until 
we 
set it free 
by 
believing 
the truth

We must be

vulnerable
and
open

then
we
will
be
set
free

In order to be {free}

we

need 

to

remove
the

lie

and 

live 

in

the 

truth