Introducing...

Katelyn Louise

born on  Tuesday, February 26, 2013

@ 6:03 a.m.

weighing 7 lbs 15 ozs

measuring 18 1/2 inches long

this child

belongs

to neither

you or I...

but 

our Heavenly Father

I have had my share of

opinions
advice
well meaning wishes
questions
heartfelt comments
looks
whispers
no one minding their own business

my greatest grief

equals your greatest joy...

THIS HAS BEEN THE HARDEST DECISION I HAVE EVER HAD TO MAKE IN MY LIFE

no one ever has said that the right decision would be easy
and I do know without a doubt that I can do extremely difficult
when it is right
and as much as I wish it away or plead that it not be true
this is right
this is extremely hard
gut wrenching difficult
but...right

I try to

prepare

understand

process

anticipate

explain

but as hard as I try

I cannot 

I have never lived an experience like this before

and it is impossible to try to do anything...

other than just be in the moment

count down

today is the last wednesday that I carry you within
only six more days
I feel like I am existing outside of my body
and at any moment I will wake up and face reality
my body is so ready to be back to normal
but with that comes losing...losing more than the pregnancy weight
I will be losing part of myself
I am savoring these moments as difficult and uncomfortable as they are
I want to breathe in each and every moment
as insignificant as they are
they are the last moments I spend connected to you in this way
because all too soon
it will be over

bigger than I

is He up above

who can take a negative circumstance

and turn it into a gift of love

my body is ready

but my mind is not
my heart aches as it tries to encompass the loss it is about to experience
how do you get ready
how can you prepare for that