Life continues on

through pain

trials

hardship

disappointments

happiness

frustrations

loss

excitement

ectasy

pain 

sorrow

love
 and lack there of

giving pieces of myself

selflessly away
has left me empty
and alone
I need to recharge 
directly from the Source
I know where to find it
but I seem to avoid it
fear of the unknown
reality of what might be
ability to be lost
opportunity to change

I am still here

trying to keep my head above water...
I really miss this outlet
I need to get back into tapping into it more regularly
it just seems like there is not enough time in my day to get everything
done I want to accomplish
I am slowly learning that when I tackle
one wave at a time instead of
trying to conquer the ocean
life doesn't seem quite so overwhelming
regardless of how fast you are kicking and paddling underneath
I can manage to defeat each task at hand

Happy Birthday!

Today is my second daughter's birthday.

she is 12 today.
she is growing up way too fast and is turning into a beautiful young lady.
she has so much potential in life.
she has a personable demeanor and enjoys life
she strives to do her best and works hard to be her best
she looks out for others

I wish her another year of happiness
and I look forward to watching her continue to mature into
a young lady!

I do

who gently nudges me at 5am and 

tells me it's time to get up for work...

{I do}

who makes the bed each morning

and tucks the kids in each night...

{I do}  

who makes sure the bills are paid on time and 

budgets every penny...

{I do} 

who does the grocery shopping and 

cooks all the meals...

{I do}  

who cleans the house and 

stays up late to finish the laundry...

{I do} 

who also gets up early to go to work and

stays up past bedtime to study...

{I do}  

who has to be responsible for their faith formation and

church attendance each week...

{I do} 

who gets to spend the good times and

deal with the bad times...

{I do}  

who gets to give privileges along with responsibility and 

take away privileges and assign extra chores...

{I do} 

who has to tend to lawn care and

take care of the vehicle maintenance...

{I do}  

who reminds me of doctors appointments and 

crazy school schedules due to sports and extra-curricular activities...

{I do}  

who gets to celebrate birthdays and holidays and

plan special activities and parties...

{I do} 

who gets to look back on their life and know they did a good job and 

did their best to be someone better...

{I do} 

why do I

allow
my heart to be pulled 
from my chest
with no guard
or protection
I hand it over so gently
wanting it to be handled
delicately...
cherished
when before
I know it
it has been swiftly jerked
away from

used and abused

and taken for granted
I am getting really frustrated 
with this whole situation
I need to build some walls
some barriers
some protection 
around my
heart

parallel lives

exist along side each other
deal with loss and pain
while other experiences joy and elation

experience elation and joy
while the other deals with pain and loss

we say goodbye together
and move on to a reality
we never fathomed could exist

it is hard
it is painful
it is reasonable
it is possible 
to exist
living these parallel lives
helping each other
when it's least expected
and accepting help 
when it greatly appreciated

I am in a funk

{missed blogging}
I am screaming
seriously?
You have got to be kidding?!?
This IS a joke, right?

Nope it's not a joke...
when life sucks, it continues to keep on sucking and my motto is
keep making the best of a SUCKY life - these days...

We finally completed everyone's round of the chicken pox
the kids were all back in school and daycare for one day
then the youngest had a high temp
he had pneumonia
out for four days
they went back to daycare for one more day
and came home with the flu
out for three days
they went back to daycare again for one more day
and now the other one has the flu...
home today
ran to get some 7up and crackers
and I get picked up
I get a ticket
did not have current proof of insurance...BLAH BLAH BLAH

I am on day four of a horrible headache
I don't know if I am coming or going

this IS my LIFE...gotta love it