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Monday, March 11, 2013

Journal Entry...Sept 2012


Difficult circumstances placed in my life to figure out,
God is testing my faith and trust in Him without a doubt.
How could I possibly be angry or disappointed by a child growing within,
Giving me another chance to overcome the darkness in this world covered by sin.
I do not see your life as a punishment at all,
But a beautiful opportunity to rely on the faith I call.
For nine months I will take advantage of our warm embrace,
Your life has blessed me with a stronger faith and immeasurable grace.
I am praying for the strength it will take that day,
To watch another mommy with my baby walk away.
I know this decision I have made in the best interest of all,
But that doesn't eliminate the torture and pain…I want it to stall.
I think about that day and as it flashes through my mind,
I sort out bits and pieces and leave the negative behind.
I know this will be the toughest day I have ever had to endure,
But will be the most selfless act and greatest gift of love, for sure.
Please always remember I never made this choice because I didn't want you,
I believed a better life with 2 parents awaited and a loving biological family, too.
If love was enough to raise a baby, I have plenty to give,
But God has bigger plans of love offered by 2 families, in which you can live.
No matter who raises you or where you call home,
I will always be your birth mother and within me for 9 months you have grown.
Nothing will ever replace the special bond we will always share,
I love you more than you could ever know; only your best is my priority and care.

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