B

B

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

back to school

this time of year
i always have a surge of mixed emotions
it is so hard to grapple with the reality that my kids are growing up
i love being their mom
and sharing their lives with them
i do not look forward to them growing up and becoming adults themselves
whenever they head back to school
i take the opportunity to reflect over the past year
i get to reminisce about the good times
learn from the not so good times and set goals
to make this next year even better
with each passing year 
i cannot believe how fast time flies
on monday, i took my oldest to school she is a sophomore
yesterday, i started back to class
with a whopping 24 credit class load 
and 500 hours internship (crazy!)
today, i brought the next five to their first day of school
an eighth grader
a sixth grader
a fourth grader
a second grader
a kindergartner
and in a little over a week
my youngest will start preschool
trying to juggle 4 class schedules
balancing homework, responsibilities, practices,
carpools, routines, and bonding time...
this is what keeps me going,
not having enough time to do anything
but reminisce and 
make the best of it

Sunday, August 11, 2013

earth shattering reality

I am a mother to a child who does not know who I am...
I love this child as much as life itself,
yet I am not the person she looks to
I am not the mother who feeds her
I am not the one who comforts her
It is an absolutely devastating reality
My heart breaks into a million pieces
when my baby looks at me and cries...
she doesn't want me to comfort her
she cries for another mother to comfort her
This child doesn't need or desire me in her life
the way I so desperately need and desire her.
 I don't blame her for this, 
it is all she knows, she is just a child
I am confident that someday,
this will change
but for right now,
this sucks,
it is so unbearably hard,
and it hurts more than I could have possibly imagined...

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Happy Birthday!

Today Quinton is {6} 
Where has the time gone?
My little buddy is growing up so fast...
He will be starting Kinder this fall.
Quinton is the sweetest,
kindest little boy I know
he has a big heart,
he is so smart and loves to learn.
He enjoys building Legos and likes to investigate...
I am proud to be your mommy...
I wish you happiness today and every day of your life!

Friday, July 26, 2013

a piece of my heart is missing

it exists outside of my life
lives in a home away from mine
is cared for by a mother that is not me

a piece of my heart is missing

and nothing fills the void

this ache
this longing
this desire for more
leaves me feeling unsettled

there is no fix
or magic solution
that will disolve this all away

for now
I am learning how to live
with the pieces left
from a broken heart

Sunday, July 14, 2013

....will you please

believe in me
until...
I can believe in myself?

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Happy Birthday!

Today my mom celebrates her birthday.
I love the bond we share
Over the years we have developed a closeness 
not only as mother and daughter
but as friends.
I look forward to many more birthdays 
celebrating her life!

Friday, July 5, 2013

patiently waiting

for You to come through
on Your timing
I get so tired of waiting, wanting, wishing
You know all my thoughts, my desires, my pain
when I allow my life to follow the path
You have planned for me
the steps seem so much smoother
not saying that it is not still difficult
but I know I can make it, I will overcome it
because I have You by my side