you have

negatively impacted
and shaped so many areas of my life
that I should feel hatred and anger and resentment toward you
I could blame you for many situations in my life
affecting the life I have had to live 
but through my strength and healing 
I choose to take back my life
I will not be a victim
I have had to deal with a lot of situations
that granted probably stem from your abuse
but I will not be a victim of your choices
I am a survivor who will overcome
your weakness

I have

so many difficult questions
existing without answers
not sure where to turn
or how to survive amidst
the turmoil and chaos
placed in my life

just another stepping stone
to conquer
and I am confident I will be successful
it is just about the process of
getting there

school begins

I cannot believe it is that time of year again
where has the summer gone?

I experience back to school with mixed emotions
pride in my children and their accomplishments to date
sadness knowing they are growing up and I have fewer and fewer years with them as my babies
joy based on their ability to excel and master new things
awe in the amazing people they are becoming
happiness for the new talents and skills they will acquire
satisfaction believing I am not doing so bad

Happy Birthday!

Today my 2nd youngest celebrates his 5th Birthday
He is such a smart handsome kind young man
I enjoy watching his personality develop
He has an immense yearning to learn new things
He is happy-spirited and loves to help out
It is such a joy to watch him grow and change
I wish him a happy birthday and another year of joy!

Faced with

the reality of
9 months of

shame and regret

fear and resentment

judgement and stares

from others
or a lifetime of
shame and regret

fear and resentment

judgement and stares

from myself

I am existing

outside of myself

I feel as though I am just  

going through the motions of life

watching myself make decisions

but not understanding the reasons

searching for

answers
not there to find
no rhyme or reason
to this confusion inside
You warned me
and stepped back
letting me choose for myself
waiting
and ready
to help pick up the pieces
made by my mess