Happy Birthday!

Today Quinton celebrates his 7th birthday

He is growing up so fast

He is a soft-spoken, gentle spirited child

He is very wise and likes to be a joke-ster

I am so grateful to call myself your mother and 

I am proud of the wonderful boy you are!

Happy Birthday!

 Today my middle child celebrates her10th birthday

She is a beautiful person full of spunk and life

Watching her change and grow is rewarding as her mother

I am very proud of her and her dedication to living life to the fullest

Happy Birthday to my "princess Shaye Lyn"

Happy Birthday

Today my second oldest daughter celebrates her birthday

She is 14

It is hard to believe she is growing up so fast

I often look at all of my children and wonder where the time has gone

She is full of life, love, and laughter

I am lucky to call myself her mom

It is a blessing to watch her grow into a beautiful young woman

{#35} already...

this is a hard year for me
only five more years to {#40}
I reflect on my life and don't feel
like I have accomplished the things I
wanted to by my {35th} birthday
I have seven wonderful children
who make me smile and drive me crazy
I will graduate in May with a BSW
after taking 29 credits this semester
and completing 500 hours at my internship
I will start my MSW in June and complete it in one year...
no, according to the "worlds standard" I am probably
not where I am expected to be at {#35}
but I look at what I have accomplished
what I have survived
the amount of sacrifices I have made
and how I have overcome
and I realize I need to give myself some credit...
I am {#35} and working diligently to make a
better life for my kids
it has not been easy
but it is worth it...
I will embrace {#35} with a new attitude
and be proud of how far I have come

Eleven months...

there is a void
that I desire to fill

it seems impossible
nothing replaces

this emptiness
it is hard to explain

I have learned to cope
I don't let it show

but this ache
can consume me

this void cannot be filled
I seek happiness

and have joy abounding
I am determined

and work extremely hard
I busy myself too often

it soothes the void
but it doesn't erase

time doesn't provide answers
it allows more time living with the reality

missing you, seeing you, holding you, touching you,
provides solace

but doesn't fill this void

Happy Birthday!

Today, my youngest daughter turns{8}

She is feisty and sweet and everything in between...

It is a joy to watch her transition from a little girl

into a big girl...

She is affectionate towards others on her terms,

but give her a baby and she cannot keep her hands off!

She has made great improvements this year and I am proud

of how hard she works.

Sometimes I question if she is only eight because she

can come up with some of the most bizarre off-the-wall statements...

and I love that about her!

Happy Birthday and I am blessed to celebrate you today!

WOW! Ten months already...

it is really a bittersweet moment
to realize that you get to 
experience your first Christmas 
away from me
you are experiencing all of your firsts 
away from me
but the reality of Christmas and all of {baby's firsts}
remind me of what I am missing
I am missing you
and yes I have class and internship
and kids and life and a job
all to keep me occupied
but something is still missing...
this Christmas is especially hard for me

I made a bargain when I found out that I was pregnant
if you were a boy, that was my sign that I was suppose to place you for adoption
if you were a girl, that was my sign that I was suppose to keep you...
initially all the ultra-sounds indicated you were a boy,
that was my sign
until mid-October, I was completely surprised
you were actually a girl...
I was so busy with working 30+ hours each week, taking 18 credits at school,
and staying sane while raising seven kids
I was going to wait until Christmas break, when I would have some time to think
then I felt like I could process the situation and make the best decision for everyone involved
in reality, there is no good time to make a decision to place your child for adoption
it takes a lot of time and a lot of energy
I do not regret the decision I made
but making the right decision for myself and all of my children
has not been easy
something is missing...