Happy Birthday!

today my oldest son turns 11
hard to believe how fast time flies
he is a very kind  and caring person
he has a big heart and knows how to help others
he likes to laugh and joke around
he is extremely talented and very intelligent

I wish you another  wonderful year
full of everything that is good

To whom it may concern:

My life has led me down a path of twists and turns.
Many journeys unexpected.  Too many obstacles to count.
But yet I can look at my life and be grateful for the path it has taken.
I am confident the travels I make were intended for me.
I believe I was given the strength to endure every obstacle.

I am a single mother of seven children.  That in itself takes a lot of time and energy.
It is not what I had planned, but it is where my life has led me.
I am taking 18 credits to finish my education in 3 more semesters
and working 20-25 hours per week.
Due to unfortunate circumstances, I am carrying a child,
that I will get to cherish for nine short months, and bless another family...
this is one of the most selfless gifts I could possibly give...

My past is one best to be forgotten, but it is what has shaped me into the
strong, capable, confident woman I have become.
Trials, sickness, pain and suffering have all been huge aspects in my life but I
am willing to see the brighter side of things and realize that everything
in my life has a predestined purpose and a proposed plan.

Sometimes, I even lay awake at night and wonder what the future has in store for me.
It would definitely be extremely easy to worry and fear what is to come,
but instead I let it go and believe that something great is waiting for me...
maybe not in this life but in the next.

after a long moment of thought

my 3 year old says to me...
"Mommy, why does that papa have a big WAD of hair on his face?"
{this was a white 'Santa looking' beard}

...{thinking}...

about all the things I want to say
what I should and shouldn't say
how I should say them
and how it will impact my life

you have

negatively impacted
and shaped so many areas of my life
that I should feel hatred and anger and resentment toward you
I could blame you for many situations in my life
affecting the life I have had to live 
but through my strength and healing 
I choose to take back my life
I will not be a victim
I have had to deal with a lot of situations
that granted probably stem from your abuse
but I will not be a victim of your choices
I am a survivor who will overcome
your weakness

I have

so many difficult questions
existing without answers
not sure where to turn
or how to survive amidst
the turmoil and chaos
placed in my life

just another stepping stone
to conquer
and I am confident I will be successful
it is just about the process of
getting there

school begins

I cannot believe it is that time of year again
where has the summer gone?

I experience back to school with mixed emotions
pride in my children and their accomplishments to date
sadness knowing they are growing up and I have fewer and fewer years with them as my babies
joy based on their ability to excel and master new things
awe in the amazing people they are becoming
happiness for the new talents and skills they will acquire
satisfaction believing I am not doing so bad