Happy Birthday

Today my
middle child,  
4th born,  
3rd daughter,
turns 8...
She is full of love and smiles
she has a lot of energy
and loves to keep score
she cares deeply for others
and has big feelings

I am so proud to watch the
improvements she is making
and see her blossom into a
talented young lady

I love you so much and
wish you a very Happy Birthday!

what happens when

you are struggling
and trying
and giving it your all...
and still
it
is 
not
enough?

I am learning

very slowly 
how to redefine me
my dreams
my experiences
my ideas
what is important to me

at a very young age
I was forced to believe
that I was responsible 
for everyone elses

feelings

pain

circumstances

situation

anger

frustrations
happpiness

it is the most difficult 
thing I have ever had to do 
try to relearn
that I am not responsible for you
I am responsible for my

feelings

pain 

circumstances

situation

anger

frustrations
happpiness 

How do you

move on in life

when all of your hopes and dreams 

seem to be deflated

everything you have tried and desired to become

has been dashed

not in a moment 

but in a lifetime...

It was a 3rd Birthday...

I love celebrating birthdays
I love even more
being able to make each one of my children
feel extra special 
on that one day of the year
the day they came into the world
what a better day to celebrate {you}

well my baby... {youngest}turned 3

He had a CARS party.

He is all boy

He keeps me on my toes

 He is full of love

He has one big personality

and no problem making everyone laugh

He is a special part of my life

and I fondly cherish each year I get to make birthday memories

Yesterday

I got a call about 9:00 am
at work and said I needed to come get Keegan
he fell and hit the door frame
and split his forehead open...
okay, I will come get him,
no he needs stitches...
I take him to the E.R.
sit there for 3 hours
got {hospital superglue} instead of stitches
less of a scar 
holds better
on and on...
OKAY whatever you say
45 minutes after leaving the ER
we went back because it was
already broke open and bleeding like crazy
they decided to superglue it again?
put it inside this time
a bigger area on top
but if it happens again...
we will have to just do stitches...
SMILE?

sooooo...

I am getting ready
for two big events
Confirmation on Wednesday {today}
and
First Communion on Saturday
there will be 15 people in my home
for 5 days
not only does that create extra laundry 
and

additional chores

we have strep throat
and
pink eye again
let me just say
I am not surprised
we are also still trying to get
over this viral cold we have had
for about 3 weeks
anyway
it will be such a nice

change

to have family around
I am really looking forward to it

simplicity in

the simplest form
is all I ask for
nothing less 
nothing more

show me your

 {muscles}

 look how

 strong

you are

{princess stickers and all}

I am struggling

most
with speaking

kindly 

and

lovingly

to those
I love
most
I
could
make
excuse after excuse
about
all the

reasons

I am

stressed

and lose
my patience
but it
still doesn't make 
it acceptable
I
wish
there
was
an easy fix...

It doesn't seem

like very long ago
when my family consisted
of only
you...

 and then I
welcomed another
it was so exciting to
have another baby,
a little sister in
the home...

then I found out
I was having a
boy,
what a nice addition
to two sisters...

#4 was so exciting
the first "timing" I actually
planned,
thought for sure she
was going to be another
boy,
but I was wrong...

then another sweet little
sister to make the home
unevenly matched, things
were starting to get a
little busier...

luckily, I finally had
another boy, to even
out the odds, he was a
nice addition,
and kept me from
sitting around now...

and surprise, surprise,
last but not least
I was having another baby
another boy,
things definitely
are not slowing down now...

and still today, I look at each of them

and think back to where I was

and where I am

what it took to get here...

it definitely has not been easy

but it definitely has been worth it

and I would do it all 

over

again!

Happy Easter!

holidays come and go
just like any other day

i feel like i lost the joy
the celebration along the way

i feel stuck in the mundane
of getting through each minute

each task i am presented
i am challenged to win it

i want to get the joy back
and cherish these precious years

they will be gone before I know it
these moments with my {little dears}

a fine line

between allowing others to define me

and not allowing others definitions of me, become me

I am slowly learning to take what others say

use what I need

tweak adjust reconfigure...just a little

but not lose myself in the process

I am looking into me a lot 

I have spent too much time 

criticizing, critiquing and degrading me

I am challenged to take a look into myself

due to others response or reaction

but it doesn't define me anymore

unconditional love

there is One 

Who doesn't hesitate

to take my pain and suffering

Loves me no matter what

in my weakness as well as my strength

He will see me through

thick and thin

and will always pick me 

back up again

I am searching for answers

...I want You to give

peace ...I wish You would bring

happiness ...I want to experience

pain ...I want You to erase