Today

my parents celebrate their anniversary....

I appreciate their committment to each other
their years of sacrifice to make their marriage work
the positive example they portrayed of love
and their ability to give themselves away...

I wish them many more years together!

emotions buried alive

continuing to suppress

until learning a new way feeling exposing wanting to express

then told to not let emotions show for real
in and out of reality with which emotions should one deal

how about picking which one to feel today

and deciding the others must simply go away

how is that possible how is that sain
trying to learn how to deal and told feelings appear vain

taking baby steps of how the world expects it to be

then backslide and shift because of what they might see

It is okay

I tell myself
to give a pat upon my back
and appreciate simplicity 

value beauty

to expect courtesy
to depend on some assistance

cry when sad

and not be perfect
to let some things go
and try harder after failing
to love myself
and like taking care of me

the positive

just seems to 

reproduce

the more I 

am willing

to 

focus on

it

I am focused

on the twinkles of light

shining through the cracks

they do not shine very bright

but the longer I focus 

the more clear they become...

journeys pace

keeps me at a distance
from that far off end in sight
I keep striving and struggling
to do everything that's right
to find out I end up
right where I left off
I'm gonna keep myself on track
the journey without a cost

I miss

tender love

nonexistent

powerfull

fulfilling

passionate

I would do anything for you

you mean the world to me

you are everything to me

I am so into you

I cannot forget you

simple

pure

love

mesmerized by your words

a phenomenon beyond reality

too difficult to understand

inability to comprehend

insecure

needing self-esteem

wanting more

grasping 

searching
realizing

just when I thought You weren't listening

you graced me with a sign

forcing me outside my comfort zone

I acted like life was fine

when not wanting to face reality

{fine} is a comfortable place to exist

pressures mounting from within

I was feeling annoyed... anxious... even pissed...

Your love came shining through

just when I needed to let it burst

You calmed my fears and comforted me

in ways I could have never rehearsed

a lot of nothing

I am trying to decide which college I should go to in the fall
I thought I had decided but then another opportunity fell into my lap

I am working 5 days a week 

I am going to school 2 days

and attending one night class

difficult life issues to deal with
keeps the stress level at a max

volunteer with an foster care/adoption agency

I will surely appreciate my life where it is

tackling the wretched task of managing a team and work

and fulfilling the responsibility of holding them accountable

seven wonderful reminders of what I am living for

that I get to spend far too little time with

just when i thought

life could be looking up

i head right back down

i have a lot going that is good

and i am trying really hard to focus on it

but life can really get the best of you if you let it

some days i don't know what is up or down