today

I celebrate my 33rd birthday
a lot of big changes in my life
I realized a long time ago that birthdays are just another day
nothing overly special about them
but this year I am choosing to make this day special

nothing out of the ordinary

I am not going out of my way
but just realizing that this day is a special day
because it celebrates me and my life
and I am learning that I am special
and worth being celebrated
and it starts with me

I have been off work

for 2 weeks now
today is my first day back
all but one of my kids have had the chicken pox
they have been out of school for three weeks now
it has made life rather interesting
I never thought in a million years that
I would be one who would be glad to go back to work
but it is true
I am happy to be back to work in my new life routine

end

to a new beginning...
benchmarks
creating new realities
that can change perspectives
that can influence opinions
causing sadness
loss
emptiness
loneliness...

Happy Birthday!

to my sweet Ella-Bella-Bella-Boo!
today she is {6}
she is growing up so fast
i am so proud of the progress she is making this year
watching her learn new things makes my heart swell
she has big feelings
she is so kind and loving
she loves babies and animals
she wants to live with me forever and ever
i am blest to be her mother
and i wish her another wonderful year of everything that is good

Happy Birthday Ella-Bella-Bella-Boo,
always remember "I Love You"

today

i will keep my head above water

i will speak lovingly

i will smile

i will help another

i will look for the good in others

i will focus on the positive

i will savor moments

i will laugh with my children
i will make the best of it

today is my first day

back to class

I am taking 3 classes on campus this semester

it could prove to be a long 16 weeks

still working full time

and having kids to tend to

adding their sports on top

and then studying their homework and mine

oh yeah and I need to sleep...

I am going to continue to make the best of it

because I know for certain that 

it is all going to be worth it...

sooner than later!

picking up the pieces

is an exhausting job
i am furious about having to clean up the messes
that your choices have left behind
the majority of my life has been spent
tidying up the leftovers of another
and i am effeted
i am tired of {doing the dirty work}
i am ready to just start living a normal life
with the day to day daily grind
with the simple pleasures
and the awkward set backs
not having to deal with these 
mind blowing 
life changing 
attitude altering
circumstances

we have the...

chicken pox

{go figure}

two have already had them

hoping four more get them quickly...

you

are

one

BLEEP

bleep

bleep

BleeP

BLeep

BLeEp

blEeP

bleep BLEEP...

if I were a hateful person

i would want to kill you right now
if i were an envious person
i would make you hurt more than i do
if i was a person who kept score
i would be getting even
if i reacted to the worlds standards
you would be a hurting unit
if i let my anger control my actions
you would be in jail right now
if i was a just person
i would try to forgive you
if i would see you as another human
i could learn to accept your behavior but not excuse it
if i let your pain consume me
it would destroy my life...

break down the walls

that solidify my heart
and consume me with enduring patience
take the strength that I carry to prove it to myself
and help me to accept graciously
distract negative thoughts that evolve from my mind to tongue
and allow me to set proper boundaries
remove anger, resentment, hatred and fear
replace with a calmness that can be shared
help me to let go of the choices other have inflicted on my life
give me understanding when I feel like putting up a fight
 let me exemplify the purest sweetest love I can give
my blessings and rewards simply are so obvious

being a mother

is more challenging than i imagined

makes me feel extremely blest

causes me to reason and reflect

forces me to be my best

is more rewarding than i could have fathomed

brings me great joy

has tested my faith

teaches me endurance
gives me my greatest blessings

tries and tests my patience

has taught me immensely about myself

is something i always wanted to do

has taught me about myself
gifted me this opportunity of raising
{you and you and you and you and you and you AND you}

confusion

consumes my time and energy
don't know what i want or need to be

thinking... wondering... contemplating my next move
takes control of what i have to prove

it is exhausting with these thoughts circling about
causing me to question, forcing me to doubt

what is it that i am so confused about
i am not sure, but i need to figure it out

Happy New Year!

I am anticipating the beginning of a fresh bright new year...
and I am going to make the best of it!