I guess I can start the countdown...

2 kids have been sick...

I am currently sick, {hopefully well soon}

a 3rd child sick yesterday

...that leaves only 4 to go!

as soon as I begin

to look into the future
and try to figure it out

I become overwhelmed
I can't figure it out on my own
I don't have the answers
and it does scare me a little bit

I try to trust
I depend on my faith
I don't know how
but I know it will work out

life has offered

me many opportunities
that i get to make a decision to
i feel somewhat in control of the outcome
but completely out of control 
i have made big decisions
some hopefully right 
others possibly wrong
i am completely imperfect
i am barely hanging on
trying to stride through the motions
and take one step at a time
that is all i am capable of right now

1st day of school and Happy Birthday!

Today my kids are back to school
only a half day
this year like every other
poses new sets of challenges and joys

I feel frustrated by my situation right now
I beat myself up too much
I feel extremely guilty
I won't be home when my kids get home from school
I have a new Kindergartner 
I don't get to wait for her by the door and ask her how her day was

I will still ask her when I get home
but it's not the same
it isn't going to be the same
this is my life now and I have to make the best of it...

today is also my older brothers birthday!
I want to wish him a year of happiness 
and all the best life has to offer him.


He deserves it!
Happy Birthday!

today

my classes start again
exciting and overwhelming

I keep telling myself
this is not forever

and I know it is all going to be worth it
but it is really difficult right now

I question myself
How can I be a good mom to 7,
work full-time,
take classes,
participate in kids activities,
keep a house running,
and be successful at it all?


Is it possible?

i am trying to understand

the 

correlation

between

choices

and 

consequences

i am saying it again

I cannot believe it is that time of year!
I was looking back through my blog
and I can vividly remember the day last year that I posted Back to School

life is just passing me by
and I realize if  I don't slow down to enjoy it
it is going to be gone

I have 5 in school this year...
8th. 6th, 4th, 2nd, and Kinder

I am preparing myself for the activities, homework, sports, friends, drama, and pleasure
I have not ever worked full time and taken classes myself
so this year will be an adjustment

more sacrifices, extra help, plenty of rest, and open communication
...it will be an awesome year!

progress

is there such a thing as progress when you are dealing with seizures?

Ella is getting an EEG today
it will be compared to her last one

facing a new set of challenges
mild to some
monumental to me

sending my 5 year old to K with seizures

the unknown

waiting
trusting
believing
hoping
confiding

It was a splash bash

to celebrate Quinton's 4th birthday

digging for fish {at the beach}

 caught one

 swimming with friends

 and fish

underwater creatures all over the cake

 shark fin punch

 looked pretty cool

 pizza was good

 excited about the cash

 fun

opening presents

 what's in here?

 {Don't blow out my candles}

 can't wait to taste it

tasted great

{Happy Day}

Motives

can 

be 

an 

indirect 

outcome 

of 

reserved 

actions

I am examining...

how closely 

I critique a mistake

Do I look for the benefit of doubt?

Do I brush it under the rug?

Do I point the blame?

Do I internalize it?

Am I willing to forgive others?

Am I willing to forgive myself?

confusion

circling

obnoxious 

negative
facts

ultimately

shaping 

interior

opinions
negatively

innocence

engulfs my world
i sense it in my space
i see it in their eyes
i feel it in their emotions
i protect it with every ounce of my being
i don't ever want to lose it

...what did i expect???

...when i asked

a 2 year old

to vacuum up 

his cupcake

mess!?!

i guess you get what you ask for