1st day of work

excited

overwhelmed

bitter

relieved

nervous

cautious

freedom

disappointed

indifferent

today

Happy Birthday!

Today my 3rd daughter, 4th born, celebrates her 7th birthday
she is a princess, and loves to be told that she is a princess
she is feisty and keeps score
she doesn't forget much
she is cute and kind and funny
she strives to do her best
she is a hard worker
she does an excellent job helping out around the house
she enjoys cooking and likes to use the {peeler}
she takes things literally and believes in everyone
she is the middle child in our family
and does her best to fit in the bunch

I love you more than you could possibly imagine
and I wish for you a very happy day!
You deserve to know how special you are 
and I love getting to celebrate you today!

instead of strivin' and strugglin' aimlessly...

i am setting my goals to start striving and struggling down the right path
i have the choice to struggle towards a positive outcome
instead of being stuck in that spinning top
all of my actions, as difficult as they may be, can be spun on a path to a better future...

I {get to} believe what is true

about me

no one can tell me different

others can definitely try

and I can listen

they may not mean to do it

or may not realize they are saying it

but at the end of each day

I choose what is real

I choose what is true  

I choose what I need to take on and 

what I can just get rid of

How to avoid

having  your picture taken

Humans do not fail because they want to...

they 

fail

because

they 

do

not

know

how

to

succeed

...because of Jesus' Death and Resurrection...

I don't have to try and earn God's love...He just {Loves ME}

Happy Birthday!

Yesterday my nephew celebrated his 7th birthday with my brother.

He is my sisters 2nd born child/son.

He is exactly one week older than my

 almost 7 year old daughter.

They are buddies.  

My sister was actually due after me but got induced one week before me, and we had our babies one week a part in the same hospital, in the same room, with the same midwife...it was kinda weird.

I want to wish you a very happy day with lots of fun and excitement.  We cannot wait until we get to see you again and spend some time with you.  

Happy, Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday!

Today is my younger brothers birthday.
We have a friendship I never anticipated.
He loved to keep the pot boiling.
He use to annoy me so bad growing up.
Everything he did was just to hear me scream...and I would always scream...
he would do anything he could to annoy me and he did a very good job.
I worried about him growing up, but he has proved me wrong...something he enjoys doing...
he is still a dare devil, still knows everything, and is hardly ever wrong
{but that is fine with me}
I don't let it get under my skin and {scream} about it anymore, now he tries to annoy my kids, and I realize some things will never change. AND that is the way I like it!


He is an awesome father.  It is so enjoyable to see him interact with his 2 kids.

I wish him a very Happy Birthday and many more to come!

"Mommy you are DRIVING me crazy!"

as we were leaving
a little behind on time
i took a curve a little sharper and quicker than anticipated
my 5 year old, back seat driver exclaimed,
{Mommy, you are DRIVING me CraZY!}

I would love

to believe about myself only a portion of the affirmations other see in me...

This is all I have heard about lately...

 "Can I get more?"

"Do you want to hear everything I know about Bakugan?"

 "Do you know what the  Bakugan{G} is?"

 "...some Bakugan don't have {G}."

 "...this one has {550 G} or life."

 I really don't get them...but I am really glad you enjoy them, 

and no you cannot get any more...

...what happens when

my dreams come to fullfillment
my dreams change
my dreams are better than I could have imagined
my dreams are harder to reach than anticipated...

then, 
I tweek, adjust, minimize, maximize,
and dream a new dream

now, my blog title is not true

oh, how i have looked forward to this day
dreaming many days, wishing it were over
wondering what it would feel like...

i don't have have to wonder anymore

because daddy is no longer a doctor of chiropractic to be

he is now a Doctor of Chiropractic

this journey has taken us on paths i could not have fathomed

i have tread on surfaces so uncomfortable and unbearable
that i didn't know if i would survive

other paths seemed to be smooth and pleasant for a while, but sooner than later there was always a twist or turn, and many detours,

 if we would not have followed these paths, i am sure we would not be who we are today...

for some i am grateful, others very sad...

i realize more now than ever, that i cannot plan my future,

this was definatley not what i planned

but eventually we made it to the same destination

maybe a little more bumped and bruised than we would have wished

but we are here, and we made it

and we deserve to rejoice

to feel proud

pat ourselves on the back for all of the hard work

because WE DID IT!

It's happening...

hard to believe it is finally here

don't know where the time has went

it has been a long journey

now i can take a small sigh

BIG day

mixed emotions

proud of all of the hard work

ready to reap the results of sacrifice

on friday april 15, my children and i 
got to watch daddy graduate

this chapter is not done yet

still a few things to wrap up 

but we are taking steps i was beginning to wonder if we would ever take

i feel like we all deserve a celebration

daddy did have to do the work, classes, studying, exams, and late nights

but the children and i have supported, encouraged, sacrificed, 
and picked up the slack

i definately am celebrating each member of our family, 

because it has been a group effort

i can only smile... {sigh}... and smile some more

Happy Birthday!

Today my sister-in-law celebrates her birthday
She is the same age as I am
and is married to my younger brother
She has given birth to my brothers 2 beautiful children
I enjoy her presence and wish her another year of health and happiness!

I have been fumbling around

on the dance floor
for too long!

I have finally stepped off.
It was not effective to try and complete my dance partner.
I need to compliment my dance partner.
Until I learn how to dance solely and completely on my own,
I will never be able to compliment my dance partner.

If we are ever both stronger in our foot work and dance steps,
we could try to step back on the dance floor and
compliment each others moves...
but it would have to start out really slow,
one step at a time,
one foot in front of the other...

until then... I wait,
I engulf myself in these new steps,
I seep in the new moves,
and I fall madly in love with the most beautiful dance called life,
moment by moment, one day at a time...

I didn't realize how many areas of my life

were related to ice cream...I really don't even like ice cream that much...

I was thinking about how I have muddled through life really only feeling 2 emotions happy or sad {chocolate and vanilla} and every once in a while I would mix the 2 and feel anger...not very often though

The more life I live, the more flavors I am learning to experience...there is such a wide expression of feelings and emotions within my realm..when I begin to take advantage of each, I am blown away by the way I can feel...from euphoric to ecstatic...when I venture away from just chocolate and vanilla I am feeling more comfortable trying a new flavor...it sometimes causes me to turn my nose up, other times, I enjoy it so much, I have to try it again, soon!  Who would have thought, there were SO many flavors out there, I just have to take the time to stop, look, explore, and step out of my comfort zone...

I think I am going to grab a bowl of Cherry Garcia...my favorite...{a little bold, sassy, smooth,and sweet}

You really are

one

cool

dude

There once was a little girl

her future was not a vision she could see

abuse, fear, and pain were deeply etched                         harmony meant being who others thought her to be 

on the exterior you would have never guessed                                                    inside struggling to be set free

     it took many years for her to grow and change                                                                          soon she broke

 the barrier and sought true harmony

I have learned

that my {plans} must be flexible,
because when I allow life to go against my plan,
things {end up} a whole lot better than I could have planned.

My heart is heavy

it is weighed down by feelings gone unexpressed

it carries a deep ache

i can't find the remedy 

feels as though it has sunken so deeply inside my chest
i wonder if this feeling will ever subside
or if i will just learn to live with it

Changes

full time employment
daycare
new budget big gas bill
potty training
done with choir, sigh
3 week nights crammed with sports practices
very busy weekends full of activities
as many meeting night attendances as possible
up earlier 
sacrifices
to bed a lot earlier

Supper was

 really

GOOD!

Catching up

seems so overwhelming
have waited too long
tried to keep everything in my memory
not able to store it anymore
it needs to come out
i don't have a choice

Where are the instruction manuals

that were suppose to come with each child?

I don't always know how to turn some of them on at times,
and I don't always know how to shut others off at times,
and sometimes I forget how to operate each one at the most efficient level...

KIDS are {kind of like} operating a new piece of equipment
they need to be examined upon arrival, inspected often, used only for what they were made to do, you can't expect one piece of equipment to operate like another, sometimes they don't function the way you would like, once in a while they need a tune-up...

Amazingly, kids give back so much more than a piece of equipment, they express love and affection, they give and receive, they think and reason, they talk back, they argue, they apologize, they forgive, they try harder, they smile, they laugh, they bring joy to my life and I {get to} learn how to operate each individual piece of equipment exactly the way they were created to operate...

{instead of the entire manual, maybe I could just get a chapter on each?}

Strong by myself

stronger with you by my side...
needing the strength gained by your
support, affirmation, encouragement...

so many big descisions

not one answer for sure
don't know the outcome

This is a 2 year olds idea of how to give

a {spit-less}
germ free
non-invasive
brotherly
kiss

Difficult situations

true friends

few can handle

outpouring of hearts

lonely place

true motives

the source