how to undo

all that has been done...


{if I only knew...}

I am {perfecting} my {imperfections} each day

in
this

perfectly

imperfect

world

Happy Birthday!

to

me,

Happy Birthday to me,

Happy Birthday to me,

Happy Birthday to me!

Today I celebrate my 32nd year of birth.

We are going to the Holy Cross School Celebration, Denim and Diamonds.

I feel Your prompting...

I don't know if I am ready...

I can't be that vulnerable...

I am waiting for the right time...

I need some persuassion...

Let me know when the time is right
give me the words to speak

and let me hear Your voice

I want to be a vessel

of You 

from within me

Each day I turn a page

and get to

watch my life

unfold

...the suspense

...the drama

...the excitement
...the thrill

{LIFE}

I heard

that it is okay to be concerned about a situation,

up until the point we begin to worry about it...

worrying is like a rocking chair,
it gives us something to do,
but it doesn't get us anywhere!

Keegans party {2 months ago}

My little guy turned 2 on Thanksgiving

He likes Diego

He will say "DGO giegooo DGO"

that is "GO Diego GO"

He has lots of helpers for everything

 He is admiring his gift from mom and dad

 He has to get on the table for this one

Keegan has his very own rocking chair

He has to try it out with his Diego doll

Mommy made his cake

He was very interested in the flame

Not sure if it actually tastes as good as it looks...

...it does!

{Yummy}

Happy Day!

somedays...many days i feel like a puppet...

{a puppet on a string}

i

move

to 

someone else's

command

i 

smile

when

told

to

i

act 

exactly 

how 

someone else

wants 

me 

to

act

i

feel

what

someone else

allows

me

to

feel

i am working hard on detatching those strings

it is way too exhausting

It takes {10 positives} to

erase  {1 negative}

Would I say I am

focused

on 

a situation

or obsessed 

about 

it?

...a smile creeps across my face...

as i listen to the lyrics...

a deep ache shifts in the pit of my stomach

a dull burn engulfs my throat

i wonder 
and i listen

      {why can't love be magical?


      why can't i be swept off my feet?


      why can't that longing desire be fulfilled?


      why can't i exchange this undying intimacy with another?}

i stop thinking about what i desire and feeling sorry for me,
once again
...a smile creeps across my face...

i will always have
my
undying intimacy, 
magical love,
and sweep you off your feet desires fullfilled,

i realize i am looking to humans
a weak human to match my needs

as i listen to the lyrics...
i  hear someone else's voice speaking the lyrics
and instead of speaking to my mind 
He is speaking to my heart

every glamorized word
each mountaintop high
every expectation
each desire of my wildest dreams
...begin to feel fulfilled...

Happy Birthday!

to my sweet, so sweet,
{Ella Bella}

Today Gabriella turns 5!
She is my baby girl,
and she is growing up.

She is {glam}.
She loves fashion, purses, lip gloss, make-up, and more lip gloss.
She is my girly girl.

It makes me smile to think
how much she has improved academically.
She doesn't care for school,
but I pray regularly,
that her dislike for school will change.
I think she likes to learn,
but is overwhelmed by all of the input,
her brain only began functioning at that level in Aug 2010
I think she enjoys "being a kid" now
but wants to be a kid without feeling pressured...

She is definately a {mother}
she likes to 'help' her little brothers
she loves her babies, the poor cat and rabbit,

she says the funniest things
she is a good little helper
she has a fiesty spurt at times
but they don't last long

I am looking forward to the changes 
and progress that will be made this next year

You deserve an exceptional year Gabriella 
and I will continue to show you
just how special you are!

If I knew where my life was headed

maybe
i would
have
taken
a
different
path
or maybe
i would
have
suited up
in armor
or
maybe
not

Happy Birthday!

Today my husband celebrates his 35th birthday
We have grown a lot the years we have been together
One thing hasn't changed,
he is my best friend
he is the only person that knows me completely

We have shared many struggles,
exchanged hurtful remarks,
accepted each others imperfections
and we are learning how to love each other forever

He is the best match for me
he is the perfect father for my children
with many imperfections...
I have learned to look past them
and love the man I share my life with...

What kind of gift can you give your best friend?
I don't have enough wealth to buy it,
I don't have the time to make it,
I don't have the energy to create it,
I don't have the ability to erase mistakes...

I can pray for him daily,
I can forgive his mistakes,
I can be strong when he is weak,
I can be the wife God asks me to be,
I can live one day at a time,
I can love for better or worse,
I can have hope,
hope for a better tomorrow,
hope for a year of sobriety,
hope for a happy day today.

{Happy Birthday Love}

Facts, about my life...

I want to lose 25 lbs
I love the Catholic mass
My children teach me patience
Life has taught me to love deeply
I like to cook
I enjoy taking lots of pictures
I love to celebrate birthdays
I adore babies
I am scared of spiders
I always have crazy dreams
I love to have a clean {spot-less} house
I am a good organizer
I manage time well
I am not very good at a family routine
I blog in advance {sometimes several days}
I joined the church choir
I am going back to school
I need to smile more
I naturally, by instinct, trust in God
I love to watch my life unfold
My soul aches for others
I love to shop
I love a great bargain even more
I  live by being true to myself
{what you see, is what you get}

We have ? pets...

1...

2...

3...

{THREE}

a  white rabbit

Clyde

a beagle

Bandit

born a barn cat now a house cat

Mo

Daily, I try

to stick to the {facts}

& not get caught-up in the details....

It is so much easier to

pat ourselves on the back

than to do a
whole-hearted, 
searching, 
fearless, 
moral inventory...

How many times have I

given 

away

my

serenity...

because 

I

relied

on

someone else's

{affirmation}

We slide down the hill

to climb back up again and start all over.

I think my life sometimes mimics the sport of sledding...

I keep doing it over and over just for the thrill of the ride,

no matter how hard and steep the climb is back up,

I sacrifice much, just to enjoy the ride, 

one more time...

I want to enjoy the ride.

A little hidden clue

You placed right before my eyes

and the answer if I only knew

would unlock the mystery inside

WOW! We really do

have 

the 

answers

to 

life's

toughest

questions...

we just have to

know where to find 

them!

You are only as beautiful as

 you feel.
Everyone around you can tell you that you look good
People can say how beautiful you are
Life can express your beauty...

But it is not until you
{feel beautiful on the inside},
that you can {believe}
you are beautiful on the outside...


I empower women to do something for themselves... 
and feel beautiful!


I know, too often, I am so busy {doing for others}
that I don't take time to {do for me}!


 External beauty is only skin deep,
I am talking about true, feminine beauty.

Your voice

...is a rush of peace in the midst of a storm
...is sometimes too good to be true
...I sometimes doubt
...I love to cling to
...calms my mind
...settles my soul
...gives me hope
...strengthens my faith
...guarantees me a future

I hear You

calling out to me...

My child, I am holding you in the palm of my hand,
I have never let you go,
I have great plans for your life,
continue to trust in Me
I will not let you down

You have endured great trial and suffering
it has not gone unnoticed
I have wept with you in your pain
I have ached for your loss
and I have felt your selfless suffering

Letting go

of pain, hurt, rejection, etc, etc
is a daunting task
it is not easy
I do not think it is something I can do alone
I believe a power greater than myself has to move in me and allow this change
when I am open and ready

the cruelty and injustices of this life can really wear us down
but once we begin to let it go
it is so freeing

what good does it to do to hang on to it?

I am humbled

by

His awesome power
His unconditional love
His infinite greatness

I am such a meek and undeserving soul
and yet I am loved unconditionally...

I am {healing} my past by choosing forgiveness...

because I choose to not 
{infect the future} with unforgiveness

I give {You} all of my broken pieces

in

exchange 

for

{Your}

PEACE

***************************************************

~{Happy}~

(NEW)

*[Year]*

I will embrace a better year than the last!

****************************************************************