Happy Birthday!

Today is my mother-in-laws birthday.
She deserves
a beautiful day,
another year of health,
and some time to care for herself.

I am grateful for her life
because without her,
my husband would not be here.
She gave him life.
She was the first woman to love him.

I wish her a very Happy Birthday!

Going it alone

is not anything I ever asked for

I expected life would give me more

but it is what it is for right now

I will get through, some way, some how

when I begin to think I am going it alone

I have to remember His Heavenly Throne

I would not be here doing what I am doing now

If it were not HIS plan, some way, some how

out of our {human"ness"}

we can be
so anxious to get rid of 
someone or something

that

when it is taken away 
from you

without your
knowledge or consent...

you feel 
betrayed
violated
taken for granted
frustrated
angry...

Major problems

with 
my
computer...

I
am
so
{UN-intelligent}
when
it
comes
to
computers...
after a couple days and{several HOURS}
I have everything up and running smoothly
{I think}

KNOCK ON WOOD!

Happy Birthday!

to my niece  
she is 3  
she is my husbands, sisters, daughter. 
 she actually shares her birthday with my son yesterday,  
but she is one year older  
she is smart  
she is sweet
 and she is cute  
we don't get to see them very often,  
we cherish the time we get to spend together  
it makes us grateful for the rare,  
 special time shared with family 

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday!

My older kids reminded me today,

that since he is 2,

he is no longer a baby.

He is a BABY!

He is my BABY!

I have tried to convince

myself different, but I cannot.

Even though he is turning

into such a little boy, now.

He is ALL BOY!

He is rough!

He is loud!

He is funny!

He is tough!

He is crazy!

He repeats EVERYTHING!

He makes the cutest animal sounds!

He counts and says his abc's.

He loves to sing.

His favorite is Holy, Holy, Holy.

He loves the outdoors.

He likes to play with cars, trucks, and airplanes.

Still a picky "texture" eater.

He has a giggle all the way from the bottom of his tummy.

He is sweet as can be!

He makes us all laugh.

He brings so much joy to our lives!

I am blest by his presence

and look forward to another year with him as my baby, {for now}

Happy Birthday little buddy!

Everyday I am challenging myself

to

{ACT}

better

than

I

{FEEL}

If we are waiting for

everything to be
perfect
before we can be
happy,

we need to stop
and learn
to be happy
and live with
imperfection!

2 months ago we lost our baby

i was caught off guard
when a friend who is due at the same time I would have been
was talking about her pregnancy
...and the joys
...the aches and pains
...the anticipated due date

REALITY set in

that should be me, too,
i should have that pregnant glow,
i should be sharing how i am feeling
and watching my belly growing round

i would have been past the first trimester, already
but it isn't so
and i am not dwelling on what could have been

i was just taken aback as the thought crossed my mind
oh yeah, that was {suppose} to be me, too

My suffering today

***

is not

merely

*for my days here on earth*

but

for

what

is

to

come!

***

...can there possibly be

ANYMORE?

I am

sick

and

tired

of

feeling

sick

and

tired...

I completely believe

that our body does not forget...

{Leaf} us alone

we are busy working

trying to clean up our yard
but jumping in the pile

and being a spectator


just seemed like too much fun

now we wonder why

all the leaves are once again scattered around

I guess we will have to try raking again tomorrow

and clean-up a new mess

because today we have enjoyed the {pile of leaves}

it is so convenient

that

our mind

can mask our memories

so

we don't have to

try and deal with them

every second

of

every minute

of

every day

Survival

is the
{acceptance}
of what
{life}
has handed
to me

It's A Party

in celebration of her 13th birthday

it was a {Girl's Night Out}

special time with friends

eating and opening gifts

time to go home

fun had by all

Broken arm

our 6 year old daughter
fell off of a zipline at school about a week and a half ago

she broke the radius in her right arm

we were talking and realized
in 13 years we have had no staples, stitches, or broken bones,

and now, in the last 5 months we have had
5 staples
7 stitches
and a broken arm

{I hope they go in 3's???}

granted with 7 kids we have a greater likelihood of an injury,
but what are the odds?

Our family

connects us to
the spaces, faces, and places we have been...


and it provides us an opportunity to change.

When you

look

for

{good}

in

others,

you will

find

{good}

within

yourself

I don't understand

why our sweet daughter has to continue to suffer from seizures.
I am finding myself question why?
I hate what it does to her.
I despise how it makes her feel.
I can not stand how she looses control.
I dread when she becomes so fearful.
I am frustrated with doctors.
I wish things could be different.
I regret not being able to do more.
It breaks my heart...

Someone is bigger than me

And
He
has
once
again
proven
it
to
me.

Happy Birthday!

Today is my sisters birthday.
She is younger than me. She is the youngest in our family.
She is my only sister.

She used to look up to me when we were growing up.
I used to get so mad when she wanted to dress like me,
talk like me, act like me, and then start wearing my clothes...

Our mom said it was because she looked up to me and liked the way I did things.
She said I should see it as a compliment, not a burden.

I have to say she doesn't look up to me so much anymore,
but I do see it as a compliment when she does.

She is a beautiful person, an excellent mom,
and I look forward to getting to know her better again.

I want to wish her good health and
another wonderful year of life.

I saw the look in her eyes

as she was falling over
I caught her just before she hit the ground
the fear in her eyes
I knew
we were out in public
other people saw us
some stared
no one understood
they all continued about their business
and had no idea what was happening
as I sat and cradled her for over 30 minutes
waiting for her body to stop seizing

it is pure torture
holding your child
and knowing there is nothing you can do to help

Road Trip

We had to make a road trip back to SD
We got a different car for my husband to drive
His car blew up last week,
Yes that is 2 months after putting a new transmission in
We bought a car from my brother that is shall I say {DISPOSABLE}
We payed so little for it,
that if anything goes wrong with it ,
it is not worth fixing.

It is in decent shape
and God was looking out for us
as He had this whole process already planned.

I trust in Him and His timing!

When I was younger

I use to make every story have a happy ending.
No matter what it was.
A news broadcast,
a movie,
a book,
a story,
anything I viewed
as not having a
{happily-ever-after}
I would critique in my mind
and create that best case scenario ending.

I realize I have been trying to do that with my life.
If the day,
the situation,
the mood,
the hostility,
the projected feelings
are not what I perceive I want them to be,
then I overlook it and make it a
{happily-ever-after}.

This has not served me well.
I have missed a lot of life
not facing reality and trying to believe in
{happily-ever-after}.

I realize that
{happily-ever-after}
is only for fairy tales...
and I am definitely not living
one
of
those
fairy tales!

I prayed it wouldn't be cold

but I forgot to pray for NO WIND!

Can you say WINDY? It wasn't terribly cold,

but it was one of the windiest days we have seen lately.

Despite the wind, the boys had a great time and enjoyed the skate park.

We only had a half day of school that day,

so we were able to have his party and celebrate on his actual birthday.

We celebrated with pizza, cake, gifts, and of course

RIDING!

Luckily, there was only one flame to blow out,

and with enough sheltering,

he actually got to blow it out!

{after being re-lit multiple times}

We had to hold on to EVERYTHING!



It was a great day!

Dooped

Lately,
I have been feeling like I have been
{DOOPED}

I have come to realize,
that life
and certain
situations
haven't
dooped me...

I have only

dooped myself into

believing something that

is not

reality

Can you say

{PIZZA?}

Mmmmm...


...MMMMM

GOOD!

Happy Birthday!

Today our oldest-first-born daughter will celebrate her birthday.
It is official - {we have a teenager in the house}.
She is celebrating her 13th birthday.

She is a brilliant, beautiful person!
She has set our standards high as parents.

I love sharing my life with her,
and I sometimes regret that I don't spend as much time with her as I would like.

She is very responsible and helps me out a lot.

I try really hard to balance responsibility and not taking advantage of her birth order.

I thank God for her.

Happy 13th Birthday!
I will love you forever, like you for always,
and as long as I am living my baby You will BE!

I take it back!

I have taken back my dignity.

I am not going to let others dictate me...

...my feelings

...my thoughts

...my emotions

...my mood

...my ability to live life to the fullest extent...